We Can Be Dramatic

Some mornings (okay, most mornings) we are outside early. On this particular morning, the kids were happily playing in the dirt, digging and running their trucks around. The dog was off chewing on sticks and sniffing around the yard. My bucket full of weeds was in need of emptying again. 

We brought their little trucks up to the bathtub and everyone got scrubbed. There is nothing like fresh, clean babies! Lunchtime came and went and we made our way upstairs for a nap. 

After the boys were in their beds, I grabbed the dog to bring him out for a potty break. But our dog has this malfunction that causes him to fall over in the grass when he feels the warmth of the sun. Despite all my coaxing, he doesn’t budge. And if he does, it’s only to roll onto his back with his legs in the air so I can’t easily pick him up. He’ll just lay there and stare at me, tongue out, like what? 

I scoot him over and put him on his feet again, just so he can fling himself to the side or do a somersault. Can’t make me move, I don’t want to!

I’m sure my neighbors think it’s hilarious. Cuz yanno, normally people have to walk around the yard with their dog flopping like a fish. 

Sometimes I do find it funny, but a lot of times it’s so irritating! Why can’t we just walk from Point A to Point B and back?! Why does it have to be so dramatic?

Saying it like that does make me laugh. I wonder if God ever thinks the same thing. Why can’t we just walk from Point A to Point B? Why does this have to be dramatic?!

Thankfully He is infinitely more patient and understanding with us than I am with the dog! And I wonder, how often do we make things a bit more dramatic than they need to be? God says to go one way, to walk in His commandments and pattern our lives after what He has shown us in His Word - and we have a hard time. 

He says not to lie; eh, roll over and ignore. He says to be joyful and full of the fruit of the Spirit; but I don’t like this - flop. He says to honor our husbands; nah, I’ll pull in the opposite direction. He says to abide in Him; ain’t nobody got time for that, the grass over there smells better.

Oh we can be so dramatic. And at times, straight up disobedient. But our Leader knows so much better than we do, and He is worthy of our loyalty and obedience! Let’s do better, followers of Christ. Let’s honor Him and seek to walk in the way He desires for us!

-Amy

A Marriage to Remember: Part 2

If you missed the first part of this story, read it here before you jump in to part two!

After their divorce in November of 1978, Pam felt the freedom to put her failed marriage behind her and start afresh. She was living in Rock Springs, WY with her new boyfriend, pregnant and hopeful for a happy future, when she received probably the strangest phone call of her life.

It was from Doug. He told her three things:

1. He was now a follower of Jesus Christ

2. God hates divorce

3. She was living in sin!

As you can tell, he had all the zeal of a man who was experiencing new life in Christ, learning the heart of God, and figuring out what God wanted from him. His mentor and good friend had pointed out that divorce (apart from adultery) was never God’s will and that their divorce wasn’t recognized in His eyes, so Doug concluded that he and Pam were living in disobedience and needed to reconcile.

Pam, however, had not reached that conclusion. She was in a new relationship, pregnant with a child she never could have had with Doug (who had a vasectomy, if you remember from the first part), and she wanted to make this new family work. Pam wished Doug happiness, but let him know that she had moved on. Doug hung up the phone thinking that he had done his part. That was that.

As God would have it, Pam’s new relationship did not work out. It crumbled into nothing, and within a few months Pam felt compelled to return to Portland and talk to her ex-husband, Doug. It was March of 1979 when Pam met up with Doug and witnessed the incredible change in his life. No longer enslaved to drugs and alcohol and a life of living to get high, he now spent hours in prayer and studying the Bible, and after some self-examination, Pam realized that she too desired that transformation. She had always considered herself a Christian, but witnessing Doug’s very personal and real relationship with Jesus revealed to her that what she had was a surface level label, not a heart and soul change. Pam gave her life to Christ and experienced true freedom and forgiveness.

But that did not mean she was ready to jump back into a relationship with Doug. She was pregnant, and the Doug she knew had made it clear he didn’t want any more kids. Doug promised to take an active role in the baby’s life, despite the fact that he was not the biological father, but Pam wasn’t sure that was what she wanted.

In June 1979, Pam went into labor early and delivered a 2lb baby boy named Paul. His little lungs were very undeveloped, and he struggled for four days before passing away. Doug and Pam grieved, but now they had the comforting hope in Christ that death is not final, and they will one day see baby Paul again.

That whole experience served to begin the healing in Doug and Pam’s relationship, that by the grace of God they too have the hope of an abundant, restored and redeemed life together. Also, Doug’s devotion to both her and the baby showed Pam that he was genuine in his intentions towards her and he truly considered Paul his own child. During their time in the hospital, he stayed by their side and made it clear to the doctors and nurses that Paul was his. Pam was ready to recommit herself to this changed man.

The next month, in July, they determined to be obedient to the sacred covenant of marriage as established by God in the Bible and were remarried on the tenth anniversary of their first wedding!

At their recent vow renewal, Pam reflected back on that second wedding day:

This man I gave myself to ten years before not only gave me a ring, he gave me a heart.

They both knew, as they stood before the altar, that being “in love” could not be the reason for their marriage. The Lord had by then given Doug the firm foundation of commitment to his wife Pam, regardless of feelings. He knew that love was a choice they were vowing to make to each other.

Also at their 50th vow renewal, Doug shared:

Because of this understanding, I have been intensely in love with my wife for the last 40 years. Hallelujah! It’s amazing what the Creator can do with the marriage relationship. Something God our Savior has shown me for many years now is that my wife is His perfect representation of His unconditional love of Christ for me, in our marriage.

After their second marriage to each other, Doug had a vasectomy reversal (which at that time only had an 80% success rate) but they failed to get pregnant within the two-year timeframe. Doug and Pam fostered many children, eventually adopting two, a son named TR and a daughter named Mary, and seven years after the vasectomy reversal they had a surprise pregnancy – Joe!

We were perfectly happy where God had us as a family and didn’t feel as though anything was missing, this was just God’s timing and an added blessing. All our kids are a blessing and are OURS.

God has redeemed the years that many would consider wasted, and He alone has written a masterpiece for His glory through the 50 years of Doug and Pam’s marriage. It is a testimony to His love and outrageous grace, and a beacon of hope to those who are struggling in darkness. The power to redeem is available to all who surrender their lives to Him and accept the truth of the Gospel – that Christ died for us, while we were still sinners.

I hope you have enjoyed this two part series sharing the story of my parent-in-law’s marriage! Obviously, they have much more wisdom to impart after that many years together, but that will have to wait for another time.

To God be the glory, great things He has done.

Written and shared by Natalya Brown.

A Marriage to Remember: Part 1

My in-laws celebrated their 10th + 40th anniversary this month!

You may be a little confused. Doesn’t that make it their 50th?

No. And at the same time, yes.

My father and mother-in-law have one of my favorite marriage testimonies, and I am SO EXCITED to share it with you all! I’m going to break it in to two parts, because it’s too good to abbreviate for just one. This account was written for their vow renewal ceremony, and shared with Doug and Pam’s permission.

In the summer of 1968 Doug Brown and Pam Carrie met for the first time in a small mountain town called Featherville, ID. Their families owned rival businesses across the street from each other. The Brown family ran Wagontown Lodge and the Carrie’s ran Paradise Lodge (which is still in business today, now as Trinity Hot Springs). Pam was actually on a date with the game warden when she came into Wagontown’s café and saw Doug, who was working the counter while holding his baby girl, 9 month old Jamie.

Only a couple months before, nineteen-year-old Pam had given her newborn baby girl up for adoption. Seeing the baby girl in Doug’s arms captured her attention and touched her grieving heart. Meanwhile, Doug’s mother noticed Pam and pulling him aside, told him to get to know that girl (despite her being on a date). His mom had never pointed out a girl to him before, so Doug’s curiosity was peaked and he went over and managed to work his way in.

Doug and Jamie’s mother were no longer together at the time, and Doug and Pam liked each other enough to keep in touch through letters for the next year while Pam was in college in California and Doug was stationed at the San Diego Naval base. When they both returned to Featherville the following summer, Doug had been discharged from the Navy and was divorced, free to pursue Pam. They dated all of three weeks in June of 1969 before eloping to Boise for a courthouse wedding.

Early on in their marriage, Doug convinced Pam that they did not want any children, and he underwent a vasectomy. They spent a few years racing snowmobiles, riding dirt bikes, water skiing, and fishing in the beautiful mountains of Idaho before moving to Portland in 1975. They wanted to get away from the watchful eyes of family and start fresh living life how they pleased, with no one to hinder them. In Portland, they spent their time partying and living to get high, trying to fill the empty places in their hearts with drugs and alcohol. Their idea of marriage followed the popular opinion of the time that has remained the current theme of the world: as long as you are feeling in love, you should stay married. Sadly, like many couples, they had no idea what it really meant to be in love and committed to someone for life.

Eventually, their feelings for each other died away, and they saw no reason to remain together. They separated, remaining friends and hanging out with the same crowd, until November, 1978, when they divorced after nine and a half years of marriage.

After the divorce, Pam went back to Idaho but Doug remained in Portland. A close friend of his, a man named Don McLain, boldly informed him that he needed Jesus. Miraculously, the Lord prepared and convicted his heart to receive the Gospel, and Doug surrendered to the Lord on November 13th, 1978.

Immediately, he was filled with a passion for God and a hunger for His word. Don and his church actively took on the role of discipleship, and Don told Doug something that God would use to change the trajectory of his life. Don said that according to the Bible, God did not honor his and Pam’s divorce.

Upon hearing that, Doug decided there was only one thing to do. As a baby believer who had so much to learn, he wanted nothing more than to obey God and follow His will. He was going to track Pam down and tell her they needed to reconcile.

Little did he know that she was in a new relationship – one that she hoped would last, because she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby.

To be continued next week….

Written by Natalya Brown.

Wives, Let’s Go Ahead and Submit

It’s weird for me to think that this time, six years ago, I was a young 19 yr old who had a pretty firm idea of what I wanted my life to look like. I was moving towards my dream of being a full-time missionary, hopefully overseas one day, and my dream did not include a husband, let alone children. Yet the Lord had already begun the softening process in my heart towards the beautiful covenant of marriage.

In the spring of 2013, before I met Joe, I traveled to India. I had a couple books to read on the many flights as my team and I traveled across that amazing country. On the flight from Dubai to New Delhi, I took out “The Apocalypse of Ahmadinejad: the Revelation of Iran’s Nuclear Prophet” by Mark Hitchcock. Looking around me, I saw mostly middle eastern, Muslim men and decided that I should probably read something else. So, I started a book I had put off reading ever since my mom had given it to me almost a year before.

“Let Me Be a Woman”, written by Elisabeth Elliot, always triggered an immediate eye roll from me. One, it had a soft pink cover with the image of a woman’s head with perfectly styled hair. I hate pink. Two, I was a self proclaimed tomboy who prided myself on my independent spirit and zero desire for marriage or a family. A book about biblical femininity, composed of letters written by a mom addressed to her recently engaged daughter, held zero appeal (obviously, since I would rather read a book about an Iranian dictator).

I read the entire book in that flight, and the Lord used Elisabeth Elliot’s words to reveal to my silly soul the TRUTH regarding femininity and marriage – the beginning of a complete transformation that changed the course of my life.

It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women do. Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity.

Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

I spent most of my teen years proving that I could do all the things my brother and his friends could do. I remember at his 13th birthday party, I arm wrestled his friends and made one of them cry because I wanted to prove a girl was stronger. When I went salmon fishing, I stayed out in the freezing river until I got hypothermia to prove that I was tough enough and didn’t need a break. When my period started, I was so frustrated and angry. I didn’t see the gift of fertility as a blessing, I saw it as a limitation – how unfair that only girls had to deal with all that every.single.month.!

With that attitude firmly entrenched in my heart, the quote above rocked my world. The feminist movement has spent so much effort trying to make way for women to become like men. What a boost to the male ego! You don’t see men attempting to take over roles that women are best equipped for. I think this problem dates back to the fall, ladies.

…your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

Genesis 3:16b

I read in a commentary something that stuck – when the Bible says Eve’s desire will be for her husband, it means her desire shall be for her husband’s position, yet she is to remain under his authority. That longing to step in to a role that isn’t ours has plagued women throughout the ages. Have you seen it in your own marriages? The desire to take the matters into your own hands and jump the gun when it feels like your husband is taking forever to make a decision, or when it seems like his leadership skills are inferior to yours?

On June 14th, 2015, I stood before about 150 people and pledged myself to love, serve, honor and obey Joe Brown. The Lord had accomplished a remarkable work in my heart since the spring of 2013. I was now in awe of the beauty and holiness of the marriage covenant, and eager and excited to step in to my role of wife and, one day, mother. But that desire for my husband’s role gradually crept in and things came to a head about a year in to our marriage.

Joe and I had moved into the house he grew up in. It was packed full of his family’s possessions, which made it very difficult to make our own. I longed for a new place to live, somewhere we could start from scratch and I could decorate and design and make into a home unique to us. I pestered and nagged my husband for weeks. I would spend hours looking at available rentals around town, printing out the ones I liked and placing them where I knew my husband would see them. I couldn’t understand why it was taking him soooooo long to reach the same conclusion as I – that it would be best to find a new place to live, ASAP. I was annoyed that I couldn’t just take matters into my own hands and move forward with my plan.

Finally, after about a month or two of me pressuring him, Joe had enough. He came home from work and I immediately greeted him with the latest rentals I was interested in, and he pushed them away and said he had had enough. I remember my heart pounding as I realized I had a choice to make – either submit to my husband or fight with all my might for my way. I looked at all the saved tabs on our laptop, available places that I wanted to move to, and then I looked at the house we currently were living in. I was so convinced that this place was what was in the way of my happiness and contentment. But I knew that God had given my husband the leadership and to skirt Joe’s authority and push for my way would be to undermine the authority of God Himself.

I cried. Many hot and angry tears. But by God’s grace I submitted and told my husband I wouldn’t bring the matter up again, and I kept my word. It hurt, for sure, but I’m so thankful for that experience! Submission stings, but it brings peace and freedom because you are walking in obedience to the Lord. My disobedient desire to usurp my husband’s role was the real obstacle to my happiness and contentment, because it was coming between my relationship with the Lord.

Freedom begins way back. It begins not with doing what you want but with doing what you ought – that is, with discipline.

Elisabeth Elliot

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.

1 Peter 1:14

He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.

John 14:21 (words of Jesus)

What a gift we can give to our families – submission to God through living in contentment and peace in the role God has given us, without coveting the role given to our spouse. It is a beautiful example of Christ and the Church – the model marriage is intended to reflect.

You can’t talk about the idea of equality and the idea of self-giving in the same breath. You can talk about partnership, but it is the partnership of the dance. If two people agree to dance together, they agree to give and take, one to lead and one to follow. This is what dance is. Insistence that both lead means there won’t be any dance.

It is the woman’s delighted yielding to the man’s lead that gives him freedom. It is the man’s willingness to take the lead that gives her freedom. Acceptance of their respective positions frees them both and whirls them into joy.

Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Originally written and shared by Natalya Brown. Used with permission.