Seven Years!

We finally got out on a date (thanks Mom!), and realized we don’t have many photos together - so we attempted selfies in the truck and this is the best we got. At least it’s documented; someday our kids will laugh!

Once there was a young girl in New Hampshire who wanted to get married and take in lots of children. She envisioned dirt roads and bugs and tile floors and ceiling fans. Walking to the market, visiting people along the way, attempting to teach the multitude of children addition and subtraction and how to read. She spent time in Belize and Mexico and looked eagerly for opportunities, yet the Lord kept her in the States. She wrote regularly to a friend, sharing things she’d learned and what she hoped for. Maybe someday her dreams would come true.

At the same time there was a young man working hard at a machine shop in Idaho, wondering where he’d meet a girl he could marry. His family was preparing to move to Brazil, and he decided to go with them and see if there were any orphanages in need of help. Plans changed, and they moved to Ecuador instead. He spent time learning the culture and getting to know people. But he had been writing regularly to a girl for years now, and it was becoming apparent that they should spend time in person.

The girl with big dreams and the man interested in pursuing her met for the first time in the Portland, Maine jetport, nervous and shaky and slightly shocked at the minimal height difference. They took each other’s hands and agreed to get to know each other better.

Less than a year later, in a beautiful barn with family and friends (and a chicken behind the pastor, because God is funny), they washed each other’s feet and vowed to serve each other for the rest of their lives. And off they went into the sunset.

That was about seven years ago, and we are still washing each other’s feet. Not literally, very often, but certainly figuratively. He sacrifices for me and I for him. Most of the time with good attitudes, and someday with chickens.

The Lord blessed us quickly with two wonderful boys, and a few months ago He brought a third little boy into our family via adoption. We have plenty of dirt and bugs and walking around barefoot as I had envisioned - but the landscape looks a bit different. Our little house is full of little people and I am attempting to teach them addition and subtraction and how to read (with success, thank the Lord!).

The days are busy and messy and oh-so-sanctifying. We get to the end of some days and conk out before we can debrief. There are many learning curves and things to juggle, many mistakes and times to ask forgiveness. There are meals around the table and dinner conversations we treasure. There are times of singing together and praying with each other and giving lots of hugs and kisses. We love our family.

Marriage has been an incredible gift to us. That God would see each of us, in different places, and bring us to spend our lives together - how amazing! I’m immensely grateful for Josh and all of our similarities and differences. God has taught us how to work well together, how to compliment and encourage each other. We have each other to lean on for every challenge, and we share the joys and sweet times. Has it been easy? Ha! Nope. But we thank God for the hard times, and for His Word - because with His Word as a guide, we have found that rough patches can turn quite a profit. Our marriage has been edified and strengthened greatly, and we are better people for it.

Here’s to seven years, Babe. You’re my favorite and I hope we have many, many more years together. I love you forever!

A Marriage to Remember: Part 2

If you missed the first part of this story, read it here before you jump in to part two!

After their divorce in November of 1978, Pam felt the freedom to put her failed marriage behind her and start afresh. She was living in Rock Springs, WY with her new boyfriend, pregnant and hopeful for a happy future, when she received probably the strangest phone call of her life.

It was from Doug. He told her three things:

1. He was now a follower of Jesus Christ

2. God hates divorce

3. She was living in sin!

As you can tell, he had all the zeal of a man who was experiencing new life in Christ, learning the heart of God, and figuring out what God wanted from him. His mentor and good friend had pointed out that divorce (apart from adultery) was never God’s will and that their divorce wasn’t recognized in His eyes, so Doug concluded that he and Pam were living in disobedience and needed to reconcile.

Pam, however, had not reached that conclusion. She was in a new relationship, pregnant with a child she never could have had with Doug (who had a vasectomy, if you remember from the first part), and she wanted to make this new family work. Pam wished Doug happiness, but let him know that she had moved on. Doug hung up the phone thinking that he had done his part. That was that.

As God would have it, Pam’s new relationship did not work out. It crumbled into nothing, and within a few months Pam felt compelled to return to Portland and talk to her ex-husband, Doug. It was March of 1979 when Pam met up with Doug and witnessed the incredible change in his life. No longer enslaved to drugs and alcohol and a life of living to get high, he now spent hours in prayer and studying the Bible, and after some self-examination, Pam realized that she too desired that transformation. She had always considered herself a Christian, but witnessing Doug’s very personal and real relationship with Jesus revealed to her that what she had was a surface level label, not a heart and soul change. Pam gave her life to Christ and experienced true freedom and forgiveness.

But that did not mean she was ready to jump back into a relationship with Doug. She was pregnant, and the Doug she knew had made it clear he didn’t want any more kids. Doug promised to take an active role in the baby’s life, despite the fact that he was not the biological father, but Pam wasn’t sure that was what she wanted.

In June 1979, Pam went into labor early and delivered a 2lb baby boy named Paul. His little lungs were very undeveloped, and he struggled for four days before passing away. Doug and Pam grieved, but now they had the comforting hope in Christ that death is not final, and they will one day see baby Paul again.

That whole experience served to begin the healing in Doug and Pam’s relationship, that by the grace of God they too have the hope of an abundant, restored and redeemed life together. Also, Doug’s devotion to both her and the baby showed Pam that he was genuine in his intentions towards her and he truly considered Paul his own child. During their time in the hospital, he stayed by their side and made it clear to the doctors and nurses that Paul was his. Pam was ready to recommit herself to this changed man.

The next month, in July, they determined to be obedient to the sacred covenant of marriage as established by God in the Bible and were remarried on the tenth anniversary of their first wedding!

At their recent vow renewal, Pam reflected back on that second wedding day:

This man I gave myself to ten years before not only gave me a ring, he gave me a heart.

They both knew, as they stood before the altar, that being “in love” could not be the reason for their marriage. The Lord had by then given Doug the firm foundation of commitment to his wife Pam, regardless of feelings. He knew that love was a choice they were vowing to make to each other.

Also at their 50th vow renewal, Doug shared:

Because of this understanding, I have been intensely in love with my wife for the last 40 years. Hallelujah! It’s amazing what the Creator can do with the marriage relationship. Something God our Savior has shown me for many years now is that my wife is His perfect representation of His unconditional love of Christ for me, in our marriage.

After their second marriage to each other, Doug had a vasectomy reversal (which at that time only had an 80% success rate) but they failed to get pregnant within the two-year timeframe. Doug and Pam fostered many children, eventually adopting two, a son named TR and a daughter named Mary, and seven years after the vasectomy reversal they had a surprise pregnancy – Joe!

We were perfectly happy where God had us as a family and didn’t feel as though anything was missing, this was just God’s timing and an added blessing. All our kids are a blessing and are OURS.

God has redeemed the years that many would consider wasted, and He alone has written a masterpiece for His glory through the 50 years of Doug and Pam’s marriage. It is a testimony to His love and outrageous grace, and a beacon of hope to those who are struggling in darkness. The power to redeem is available to all who surrender their lives to Him and accept the truth of the Gospel – that Christ died for us, while we were still sinners.

I hope you have enjoyed this two part series sharing the story of my parent-in-law’s marriage! Obviously, they have much more wisdom to impart after that many years together, but that will have to wait for another time.

To God be the glory, great things He has done.

Written and shared by Natalya Brown.

A Marriage to Remember: Part 1

My in-laws celebrated their 10th + 40th anniversary this month!

You may be a little confused. Doesn’t that make it their 50th?

No. And at the same time, yes.

My father and mother-in-law have one of my favorite marriage testimonies, and I am SO EXCITED to share it with you all! I’m going to break it in to two parts, because it’s too good to abbreviate for just one. This account was written for their vow renewal ceremony, and shared with Doug and Pam’s permission.

In the summer of 1968 Doug Brown and Pam Carrie met for the first time in a small mountain town called Featherville, ID. Their families owned rival businesses across the street from each other. The Brown family ran Wagontown Lodge and the Carrie’s ran Paradise Lodge (which is still in business today, now as Trinity Hot Springs). Pam was actually on a date with the game warden when she came into Wagontown’s café and saw Doug, who was working the counter while holding his baby girl, 9 month old Jamie.

Only a couple months before, nineteen-year-old Pam had given her newborn baby girl up for adoption. Seeing the baby girl in Doug’s arms captured her attention and touched her grieving heart. Meanwhile, Doug’s mother noticed Pam and pulling him aside, told him to get to know that girl (despite her being on a date). His mom had never pointed out a girl to him before, so Doug’s curiosity was peaked and he went over and managed to work his way in.

Doug and Jamie’s mother were no longer together at the time, and Doug and Pam liked each other enough to keep in touch through letters for the next year while Pam was in college in California and Doug was stationed at the San Diego Naval base. When they both returned to Featherville the following summer, Doug had been discharged from the Navy and was divorced, free to pursue Pam. They dated all of three weeks in June of 1969 before eloping to Boise for a courthouse wedding.

Early on in their marriage, Doug convinced Pam that they did not want any children, and he underwent a vasectomy. They spent a few years racing snowmobiles, riding dirt bikes, water skiing, and fishing in the beautiful mountains of Idaho before moving to Portland in 1975. They wanted to get away from the watchful eyes of family and start fresh living life how they pleased, with no one to hinder them. In Portland, they spent their time partying and living to get high, trying to fill the empty places in their hearts with drugs and alcohol. Their idea of marriage followed the popular opinion of the time that has remained the current theme of the world: as long as you are feeling in love, you should stay married. Sadly, like many couples, they had no idea what it really meant to be in love and committed to someone for life.

Eventually, their feelings for each other died away, and they saw no reason to remain together. They separated, remaining friends and hanging out with the same crowd, until November, 1978, when they divorced after nine and a half years of marriage.

After the divorce, Pam went back to Idaho but Doug remained in Portland. A close friend of his, a man named Don McLain, boldly informed him that he needed Jesus. Miraculously, the Lord prepared and convicted his heart to receive the Gospel, and Doug surrendered to the Lord on November 13th, 1978.

Immediately, he was filled with a passion for God and a hunger for His word. Don and his church actively took on the role of discipleship, and Don told Doug something that God would use to change the trajectory of his life. Don said that according to the Bible, God did not honor his and Pam’s divorce.

Upon hearing that, Doug decided there was only one thing to do. As a baby believer who had so much to learn, he wanted nothing more than to obey God and follow His will. He was going to track Pam down and tell her they needed to reconcile.

Little did he know that she was in a new relationship – one that she hoped would last, because she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby.

To be continued next week….

Written by Natalya Brown.