Dear Mom:

He who promised is faithful. You can’t even imagine how many times over the past thirty-five years of walking with the Lord that I refused to believe those words. Instead I chose to believe a lie and it was a simple one: If I was ‘good’ then the Lord was obligated to give me my heart's desire.

I figured it worked with child-rearing and since He was my Father it only made sense that if I behaved and followed all the rules He’d give me what I wanted. Amiright???

And all I wanted was another baby. A good thing, right? We were given one beautiful daughter two and a half years earlier but then I suffered an ectopic pregnancy which caused a miscarriage and one blown out fallopian tube and the other one damaged beyond repair. All the fertility experts were telling me and my husband we were done, no more babies were happening for us unless we adopted. And our attempts at adoption fell through. Three times.

Three freaking times!!!

I thought God was obligated to His word and, darn it, He owed me another baby. I do good, He has to bless, isn’t that how this thing works?

Not so much. I wrongly believed God was obligated to me. To me!! Can you even imagine? But in my immaturity, (I didn’t come to know the Lord until I was twenty-nine) He taught me some huge life lessons.

I learned the hard way that His ways are not my ways and I learned that, “Sometimes it’s necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.“ From The Zoo Story by Edward Albee. During those hard, hard years He helped me come around to three realizations, three truths that helped me learn He is enough:

1- He isn’t interested in my happiness as much as my highest good. He knows me far better than I know myself and He alone knows my future. No one knows exactly what I need more than the God who created me and my job is to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense. It’s the hardest part of maturing in Christ but oh-so-necessary if we’re ever really going to
be able to trust Him.

Anything in life I think can satisfy more than Him simply won't. He will have nothing less than my whole heart, full of Him and empty of all else including every worthless idol rattling around I feel compelled to bow down to.

Sweet friend, nothing you desire, not the baby, not the relationship, not the job, the raise, the husband, the influence or recognition, none of it compares to one real moment in God's presence. As John Piper famously says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

And God is most satisfied when He can look into our hearts and see His own face reflected there because our hearts are so full of Him.

2- God wants us to want Him for who He is not for what He gives. This one took me forever to learn! He is so much more than anything this world could offer. I wanted another baby way more than I wanted Him because I couldn't see God's why. All I could see was the huge hole in my heart, the empty place He couldn't fill. The hurt and the hollow, the bleeding need.

It took some years before I was able to understand God’s why. He had very make-sense reasons for my husband and me to raise an only child. When I look at our daughter’s life now, I get it and it makes complete sense, but it made no sense at the time. The perspective of years makes a huge difference!

3- His greatest mercy is sometimes wrapped in His deepest test. Oh it was hard to learn His mercy is so much bigger than our happiness. But know this: God is faithful. He promises and He follows through.

Every. Single. Time.

It may not look the way we think it should but we aren’t the ones who get to pick. He chooses our future and our job is to ‘hold fast our confession of hope without wavering...’

Are you believing God for something you desperately want or need? What is He teaching you right now? Do you intensely want to avoid the lesson?

I know, I totally get it. But mama, the best thing you will ever have is Him. Whatever good thing you want, no matter how good it seems right now, can't ever compare because good is always the enemy of the best. He's so much more than you think. Let Him peel back the layers and get to your heart. It's part of the maturing process. I know it’s hard. I know, but don’t give up.

As you allow Him access to your heart and submit to His painful lessons steeped in His great love for you, you will gain intimacy with Him. As He takes you through and you find He comes through, you’ll gain firsthand knowledge of His faithfulness, you'll hear His heartbeat and He will send you out to bring comfort, healing and hope to other bleeding souls.

And you’ll find, just like I did years ago that He is Enough.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

Written by Kate Battistelli, author of Growing Great Kids-Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life, published by Charisma House. Her newest book, The God Dare, published by Barbour Books, will release in 2019. She’s mom to GRAMMY award-winning artist Francesca Battistelli and Mimi to Francesca's 4 children. She’s been married to her best friend Mike for 35 years and lives just outside of Nashville. Kate loves to cook and blogs about food and faith at www.KateBattistelli.com. You can follow her on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook.